listen to this song as you read this post
I am one of the most blessed people on this planet. I attend a good school, I have the world's most wonderful parents (yes, Mama, I'm serious), I'm surrounded by the greatest of friends, and I have the ability to express my talents in a loving, wonderful community (here's looking at you, AU Catholic Choir!). However, despite all of that love and support from everyone I know, I've noticed something. No matter how much we may surround ourselves with positive influences and love, we still have moments in our lives when we feel unloved and unworthy.. We all have insecurities and vulnerabilities and no matter what we do, we still occasionally (sometimes more than occasionally) believe we are less important to those around us than we really are.
This weekend had many eye opening encounters: I went to an Orthodox Liturgy for the first time with my amazing friend Ryan which is an experience that really deserves its own post (which will come later, I hope). I got the opportunity to hang out with many great people. But I also saw the bad. Midterms have struck, and I've noticed around me everyone is a lot less secure with themselves than they should be. I would like to think midterms have a direct effect on this feeling of worthlessness, but the fact is that these friends (and the rest of us, too) probably feel this way more than just when the stress is piling up. Why do we feel so worthless when we have such inevitable proof around us that we are worthwhile - to each other, to society, and to God? For my friends and I, it stems from many different things.
The first relationships we form with other people in life are those with our families. The ways we learn to interact with our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and the rest of our families shape the ways we relate with everyone else we come into contact with. I have been truly blessed in this area. My parents are endlessly supportive and have taught me to challenge everything and think for myself and pick up after my own mistakes. As a result of their tender care and raising me, I am the most outgoing person I know (well, Ryan Hunter might be more outgoing than I am, but not by much!!). Because of this, I have made friends everywhere and am part of several loving communities. I was one of the luckiest ones, but I know friends who have it much more difficult than I do. To the friends struggling with family troubles, I'm so sorry. Your strength to keep it together day after day is an inspiration to me. You might feel betrayed by your family members, overwhelmed by the idea of the problem and feel like you need to have the answers. You might want to blame yourself. To all of my friends I'm referring to here, you guys are doing a phenomenal job of doing the right thing by your families. You are strong, supporting, loving people who have done everything you can. Really. The pain you're feeling is normal. Your wish for answers is normal. You're not a bad person if you don't necessarily want to see the person or people who caused this pain to you just yet. Most of all, know you're loved. You're worthwhile. You matter, and no matter what happens, it's okay to react however you need to. And if you're friends with me and need to talk, I'm always available to talk to a friend in need. Times may be tough now, but they will get better.
Many people I know have faith that is important to them. Most of them have gone through a conversion experience or a deep search to find themselves in one faith or another. However, that journey must begin with a single step. That step is usually some sort of uneasiness and/ or discomfort in one's current religious situation. For many people, myself included, this comes with an overwhelming sense of guilt and fear - especially if you, like me, are involved with your religion on a sort of organizational level. But if you think your religion is wrong for you, you shouldn't be afraid of what anyone else says. If you need to be in a place that is more traditional/ progressive/ old/ new/ whatever, go search for that. Your relationship with God is your most important relationship. If something is driving you away from that relationship, that thing needs to be remedied. It's never easy to make such a monumental change, but I envy my friends who have either changed religion or done the necessary digging to discover where they fit in their own religion. That takes courage of a kind I have not yet achieved. For those in the process of discovering themselves, remember that many in your communities won't understand and that they might be harsh. It may be hard to imagine, but these people care about you. Allow them to voice their opinions and do your best not to be hurt by anything negative they may say. Remember that, if they are secure in their religion, they've gone through the process you are going through now. It's okay to doubt and question, but be respectful of other people's beliefs along the way. And don't be afraid to try new things. You are an image of God and He is happy you are trying to draw closer to Him. Finally, remember you aren't alone.
As we develop, our friends we meet along the way help us grow and change as much as anyone else we meet. Our friends come from all different backgrounds, family situations, and, as we grow, different places. Our friends can be a blessing, a distraction from and help for the harsh realities of our lives. Good friends are truly wonders in our time and a blessing to come by, but one must learn what makes a good friend by having friends who are not the best for us in our lives as well. Many kids grow up trying to fit in and be popular, but the lesson of true friendship comes when the idea of popularity becomes less appealing and when one looks to see which friends are truly caring when it matters most. Even then, friendship isn't always easy. My best friend here at American is Alex Fenaughty. She and I have been friends for three years and we know each other really well. However, we haven't always been perfect. Last April, we got into a fight so painful I was afraid it would be the end of our friendship. We have all been there: lack of communication leads to a buildup of emotions left uncared for, and then suddenly you're screaming at each other. Fortunately for us, we were able to bounce back and be friends again. But all out fights like that are not easy. Even worse than an all out fight is the feeling that you aren't welcome with your friends and/ or your group. As I mentioned before, I love the AU Catholic Choir with everything I have. Their fun spirit combined with their musical talents make the greatest family away from my family I could have asked for. But every once in a while, someone feels like he or she doesn't belong, or that he or she is bringing the group down. It's excruciating to be that person, to love a group so much and to feel that you have wronged it. It pains me to see members of our little family who don't feel like they belong. To any of my choir family who may be reading this, I love you. Each of you. The choir would not be the same without you in it, and I would be devastated if you left. You are my best friends on campus, and I want everyone to feel welcome in that group. For everyone suffering from fake friends, fights with friends, or lack of belonging, remember that every true friendship has its rough patches. Remember to keep your eyes open and not be afraid to move from friends who make you feel like a constant burden. Remember that your friends will always be there if you need them, and that everyone has their off days. Real and great friendship lasts through thick and thin and tries to pick you up when you're down. Real friendship shows you that you are worthwhile.
Listen to this song for the next paragraphs
One of the most valuable relationships we form in our lives is the relationship that forms when two people fall in true, deep, riveting love. I have several friends who have been torn apart by the aftereffects of such a love that didn't work out for them. I can't even imagine the kind of toll that takes on the souls of those affected. What a tremendous pain, and a serious blow to the self esteem as well. If you feel that way about someone and he or she breaks your heart, how can you ever consider yourself good enough for anything again? How do you pick yourself up and carry on? Obviously, it is a slow process. However, in that process, it is expected that you will blame yourself at one point. I'm not saying that it's not okay to go through that, but it's not okay to keep yourself there. You are valuable, that person is valuable, your time together was valuable, and both of you are still images of God. And while that love is gone, know that it was in your life for a reason. You grew, you changed, you got stronger. And when, one day, that feeling comes back even better and more beautiful than before, you'll be more ready for it. There is a purpose to everything, even pain. As my friends have assured me, they would never have given up the good times to spare the pain. That, to me, is beautiful. People suffering from heartbreak, remember that it's not you that is wrong, nor is it the other person. It just wasn't meant to be, and that's okay. It doesn't mean you're any less because you've had your heart broken - in fact, you're MORE. You're stronger, more wise, and more sure of what to expect in the future.
And for those of us who have maybe felt hopeless about finding love, DON'T. Don't give up hope for finding someone. Don't confine yourself to your walls of cynicism, envy, and bitterness. No matter what your past held for you to make you feel this way. I'm speaking to everyone reading this, true, but also to myself. I've had my bad experiences...
My submission for Project Unbreakable, a project devoted to healing
sexual assault survivors through photographs, like this one of me from last year.
In conclusion, don't stop believing in yourself. You were created in the image of God and you are a wonderful, gifted person with lots to contribute to our world. You are loved. You are wonderful. You are worthwhile. I love you, yes, you sitting there behind your computer reading the words I have written. Don't change yourself unless YOU want to. Don't listen to this world. Do what makes you happy, and help others to find the same.
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” ― John Lennon
one last song for this post. I find it fitting, because this is what I think of all of you.
